James: TNA is a company that’s always had its trouble branding. They’ve had many different PPVs over the years, many different titles, and often a lot of them haven’t stuck. Even their marquee event Bound For Glory has undergone rebrands on a few occasions. But something that has never changed for TNA is their biggest impact on the business. That’s right, we’re talking about TNA Impact!! You can’t talk about the best of the best or the worst or the worst in TNA/Impact Wrestling without talking about their weekly TV show Impact! With the finish line in sight on the Victory Road, we’ve got one more roadblock on our path. I mean how can we call ourselves self respecting TNA fans if we don’t cover at least 1 episode of Impact before we end this storyline?
Seán: We waited for an episode of Impact important enough for us to cover and with this episode of The Power Hour, the verdict is in on the court case between Hogan and Dixie Carter, Jeff and Karen Jarrett will renew their vows with Angle leading his divorcee down the wedding aisle and Jeff Hardy will be defending his TNA Heavyweight Championship! It’s 3/3/11, it’s coming up right now!
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Happy Days are here again!!
JT: Hellooooo everyone and welcome back to the Power Hour. Consider this the “Granite State” to Victory Road’s “Felina”, we’ve only got two episodes left of this arc, and as we covered in our intro, we’re following up February 13th 2011’s Against All Odds with the March 3rd’s episode of Impact, because boy did they mention this show a lot on AAO.
S: Yeah the old TNA method of building towards your TV show via your PPV so we just had to review this pivotal episode in Flair/Hardy country, Fayetteville, North Cackalacky.
JT: So Seán, I’m going to be honest, I’m not sure why specifically March 3rd was the big date of interest for TNA. Like this wasn’t incidentally a stacked show, Jeff Jarrett specifically had March 3rd set aside for renewing his vows. So my question to you is do you know why they chose this date in particular to put on a big show? Was it like the start of the spring tv cycle, did Spike TV have some big occasion, do you know what’s going on here, because frankly I’ve only got guesses.
S: This show is big for the reason that it’s the first time since 2008, so nearly three years since TNA Impact has been on the road, this is the idea Bischoff threw out because he more or less wanted to see the show emanate from somewhere outside of Orlando for a change.
JT: Ah yes, the very controversial decision to take things on the road. Mind if we talk about this for a bit before we get into Impact itself? Because I think it’s a touchy subject, since I believe in part that Bischoff was right. Like, I think Impact really was tied down in a way to the Impact Zone. The Impact Zone was great to record at, and it has an iconic setup, and all their die hard fans. But Eric was right that really they couldn’t grow unless they tried to expand their audience outside of Orlando.
S: Oh absolutely! Bischoff was totally right in taking this show on the road at certain times to do tapings, he saw that WCW was tied down in Orlando and knew that they had to take it on the road for Nitro and he had to do the same for Impact. Not gonna lie, when they did take it on the road into other arenas, it was a risk which paid off completely until like 2013. So credit to Bischoff there.
JT: Yeah especially considering how TNA’s business did when they went overseas to the UK & Ireland, it had its financial benefits. I think the only real issue is when they decided to do this honestly. I think that if someone managed to push for TNA to go on the road in say 06-07-08, TNA might have even grown more than it did. I mean I know that their touring eventually hurt them down the line when they looked bush league, no fans at their shows, but let’s be real, TNA’s product even by 2011 is cooling off massively. They’ve hit their peak already and they’re on the decline. So on top of hurting the feelings of the Impact Zone diehards, they just weren’t drawing in as many people generally. But man if they had tried to grow themselves while they were getting hot, who knows where they’d be now?
S: They’d probably be in a way more comfortable position than what they’re in now, which is way better than their state in 2016 but still, it’s not where they could’ve been.
JT: And let’s not overlook one little issue about moving out of the Impact Zone: you’re upsetting your fans. At the very least you’re gonna annoy some of the more entitled die hard fans who have gone to the impact zone for every taping since *insert year*. Those people are always gonna find some reason to get annoyed, but we shouldn’t overlook the fact that those people are there and actually spend their money on TNA.
S: Yeah that too and let’s be honest here, that Impact Zone crowd for us during this arc has been a fucking mixed bag as far as their enthusiasm goes really.
JT: Yeah and it’s in stark comparison to what we see here tonight. Now before we dive into tonight’s show, do you have any little stats and figures for us? I know your bread and butter has been PPV info but do you have anything regarding how this show performed?
S: I do actually, would you like to hear it?
JT: Delightful. Absolutely!
S: TNA Impact, March 3rd 2011! Live from the Crown Coliseum in Fayetteville, North Carolina with 3,500 fans in attendance. Originally taped the previous week on February 24th but airing on March 3rd. Pulled in a 1.36 rating on Spike TV, they’d kill for that these days. Commentators are our usual gruesome twosome of Mike Tenay and IT’S TAZZ! Not a bad attendance, eh?
JT: Not bad at all. I mean it seems like the people are pretty excited to be there for Impact. And why wouldn’t they be, they’re the first to get that privilege outside of Florida. Now finally, before we get into the show, we gotta talk about how we watched this show. For those of you who don’t have ImpactPlus, sadly Impact doesn’t own a lot of the episodes of Impact that have been taped. They’ve got some episodes but their archive is rather incomplete, probably to do with their contract with Spike or just not being a crazy person like Vince who kept every tape of every weekly show ever specifically to sell it back to us. So as a result, we had to go looking elsewhere. Seán, how did you watch Impact?
S: I watched this episode of Impact in a YouTube playlist which was uploaded ten years ago, the day after this show originally aired in a nine part format on fucking YouTube, it brought me back to 2010 where I could watch ECW Living Dangerously 1999 all on YouTube.
JT: Yep I had the same thing! Beautiful 240p quality video, split into ten parts, with watermarks for the screen capture and an intro/outro screen for the guy’s YouTube channel at the end of every part. And given it was 2011 recording equipment, there were some sections where the screen froze but the audio kept going, or where we joined a promo or segment slightly in progress; presumably because whatever equipment the guy was using couldn’t handle recording a whole two hours straight.
S: I actually didn’t get that watermark actually, mine was just the live TV rendition minus the ads, it was a breeze to watch through actually. I think we may have had slightly different playlists.
JT: We must have. So in that case, I might need you to do a little heavier lifting than usual, because I must’ve found a worse version of the show. Nevertheless, it’s still the same show, with all the same events, and if this doesn’t show the Wild West of how wrestling used to be appreciated, then I don’t know what to say. We’ve laid the foundations, ready to get to impact?
S: Let’s run it down, man. I’m looking forward to breezing through this one.
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Cold (Blood) Open
JT: So we don’t even have a tv intro, we just get straight into the action, as Dixie Carter is making her way out right as we start the show! And before she even says anything, presumably about the rulings of the big court case between her and Hulk Hogan, Seán!! I had no idea Dixie Carter had theme music! At least not before he big Dixieland heel run! What did you make of Dixie’s theme song?
S: It honestly sounds like it should be the power ballad on a soundtrack for a modern Western movie if you ask me, it’s very bizarre hearing those emotional high notes on a wrestling show but then again, Dixie loves her country so it’s here.
JT: Yeah I thought it was pretty weird, because her theme song sounds like really heroic to me. Like major “Hero is training for the final battle” energy, which isn’t quite matched by Dixie strolling to the ring, though it does fit her character of an empowered female business lady.
S: Yeah like that’s the only category where this song fits into in a wrestling sense.
JT: So Dixie is out to kick off the show, and we all know that means we’re going to get the Court Decision involving who owns TNA. Just as a refresher, Dixie is TNA’s President, who had Hulk Hogan sign out as her business partner back in 2010. However, Hogan wasn’t the sort of nice guy, out to grow TNA like she thought. Back in September/October, Dixie was being intimidated and attacked by The Monster Abyss. He even laid his hands on her, and though she loves TNA and wrasslin, she is not meant to be involved in a physical capacity at all. So that, that’s a big no-no. Luckily for her (or so she thought) Hulk drafted up some documents to give Abyss the old heave-ho from TNA, and she signed her approval. But what she didn’t know was that Hogan had actually done the classic “fake document signature switcheroo” bit. What Dixie had actually signed on to do was hand over control of TNA to Hogan! This was all revealed as Immortal was formed on Bound For Glory on 10.10.10 and the subsequent episodes of Impact. Since then, Dixie & Hogan have largely been off TV and “in court”, getting US Law and Order officials to rule on the legality of the contract. Dixie did sign, but she signed on the belief she was signing something else, but also she didn’t question the document at all. Now, it’s time to hear what they ruled. Seán, we already knew this ruling would come on this episode of Impact, but heading in, what did you expect the ruling to be? Did you know already how things would turn out, because I found out for the first time watching this episode.
S: I knew that this story was gonna continue until Bound For Glory, that I know of but the verdict that was revealed here was not what I was expecting, I was expecting that there was gonna be a 50:50 decision between Hogan and Dixie. Not Hogan doing a Zuckerberg and getting away with it.
JT: Yeah maybe I was tricked by Dixie’s triumphant theme song, and passion you thank you the fans, but I was fairly caught off guard when only about a minute into her speech Immortal interrupted her. And you could tell exactly how the judge ruled based on how Eric, Ric Flair (more on that in a bit), Matt Hardy, Gunner, Murphy and Rob Terry were acting. You could tell that when they were walking to the crowd, Dixie’s thank yous to the crowd were not a “thank you for sticking through all this, but now we’ve won” they were “thank you for everything, I won’t be able to see you anymore because I’m gone”.
S: Yeah sure Dixie has to go now, back to her home planet with Poochie.
JT: Immortal are like pigs in shit tonight, they know they’re in control and they really don’t give a shit about Dixie and her feelings anymore. They just read her the riot act. Eric says they’re busy guys, their time is valuable, they want Dixie to get the show on the road. I mean he only gave her a chance to say goodbye because he respects that she’s a woman in a man’s business, and she’s got the biggest pair of balls he’s seen a woman have! Haha, balls. Ric Flair then takes over, telling her that they’re in Flair Country and maybe if she had taken his room key, she’d be on a different road than right now. He also says something about how she’s not getting off, they’re getting off, and honestly I couldn’t pay attention to the double entendre of it all. He says he’s the limousine riding, jet flying, etcetera, and that they want all the money and power that she has. And that’s when he introduces the man of the hour, the man with 100% control over TNA, Hulk Hogan! And Seán, is this the first time we’ve actually seen Hogan in action, not in a video package or Impact recap, since like BFG?
S: Yes! This is the first time since our inaugural Season 2 episode at Bound for Glory. I’ve noted, “Here comes Hulk Hogan and my word, he’s got the two hoops in the left ear. Is that a sign of my future? About time he showed up anyways, only your second appearance in six episodes.”
JT: It’s funny how I expected this to be the Jeff Hardy/Hulk Hogan arc but honestly it’s turned out to be the Jeff Hardy/Eric Bischoff arc more than anything else. I mean Eric has been all over the other shows but Hogan has barely been a factor.
S: Oh he’s barely been on programming altogether as a whole really, he showed up for a few episodes of Impact here or there and then he duked again, probably to have another surgery for all I know.
JT: Surgery, limited contracted dates, who knows. Either way, at least he’s showing up while they’re out of the Impact Zone, because if you’re not gonna use him to draw in fans, there’s literally no reason to have him. So the triumphant new owner of TNA hot dogs and gets some chants, but then immediately loses the favor of the crowd as he tells Dixie that as of now, she is unemployed and that somewhere along the way she became delusional, and that nobody buys their own hype more than her. He says he and Eric used her to get to the top, her role was always to supply the money, and it was never about a partnership with her. He says she’s a weak woman, and that all she has left is her dignity, which “he’s fixing to take away too” as they say in Nashville, topped off with a cartoon country accent. Hogan says she may have the fans on her side but the fans don’t have a say in things, it was always about them and now he’s come out on top. Fair play to Hogan, the fans were ready to cheer him but he is such an agro asshole. He just talks down to Dixie like it’s nobody’s business, and you can’t help but feel bad for her.
S: Yeah man, this did a good job of making fans feel sympathetic towards Dixie and pissed off at Hogan, I thought Hogan did a fucking brilliant job on the mic here, very believable as the arrogant asshole, Flair was on top form as usual, great stuff from both these lads.
JT: Yeah I get that relying on their star power in 2011 wasn’t exactly breaking new ground and building new stars, but this sort of promo showed exactly why you would set up a faction with Hogan, Flair, Bischoff. Three different types of assholes, but all very good at that role.
S: Exactly and it makes Immortal that bigger of a deal because at the head of it are three of wrestling’s most recognisable faces.
JT: We’ve really got a good narrative running for this whole arc honesty. Just in general, a lot of the things they’re trying aren’t the worst ideas. They’re not hugely innovative or anything like that, but on paper they’re decent ideas. But with ideas like these, you hav to execute and they just haven’t been knocking things out of the park enough for it to really be justified. Speaking of execution, before Hogan can humiliate Dixie any further, Fortune’s music hits. AJ, Roode, Storm & Kaz make their way out in order to defend Dixie’s honor. And since we’re never gonna get a better time to do this, let’s talk about the fact that Ric Flair has split from Fortune, despite AJ’s understanding that Ric was on their side.
S: Yeah what the fuck has happened since AAO?
JT: So upon coming back during the February 17th episode of Impact, Ric wasn’t exactly happy with what had happened. However, he still seemed to be on the side of his guys, as he wanted to reunite Immortal & Fortune. He promised Easy E he would. But then, during a match between AJ Styles & Matt Hardy later that hit, he hit a low blow on AJ, allowing Matt to win and revealing he was only Immortal. However, there really isn’t much else said about that. From what I can find, it’s not like Ric had some big reveal about how they disrespected him by leaving or that he was always out for himself and never the young guys. He just stayed heel.
S: He was happy being in Immortal and he stayed put, pretty sure Ric would stay with Immortal until he left the company in 2012.
JT: Yeah, although I should not thay him leaving the company was messy to say the least. But back on track, AJ says they can do things the easy way or the hard way and Fortune likes the hard way. But, there’s a woman in the ring, to which Kaz says “And he’s not talking about you Bischoff”. AJ says they care for Dixie because she gave them an opportunity, brought them to Fayetteville. Roode says he can’t believe Hulk was the reason he became a wrestler, he says don’t meet your idols because they’ll let you done, and that statement couldn’t be more true. Ric interrupts, declaring “now you’re talking to god” and they can kiss their asses or they can shut up, to which Roode asks, “how about we kick your ass!” Fortune charges down to the ring, but security stops them, holding them off as we go to break.
S: I thought this was a pretty solid segment if I may say so. Everyone who was on the mic made use of it and delivered, even AJ Styles who we know at this point wasn’t as comfortable on the mic as he is today, I thought he was great, as was Roode. Wish we could’ve gotten some James Storm though.
JT: Don’t worry Buddy, we’ll get some James Storm very shortly. But first, as we come back from commercial, we get the epilogue of sorts to our opening segments. All the heels who were just in the ring and having a grand time backstage, laughing it up with their honored guest, “Bart” as Hogan introduces him. Now, I’m gonna take a wild guess that until they did a more formal introduction of him later, you were fucking lost at who this guy was, right?
S: All I knew is that his name was Bart and he played American Football. In my notes I typed out; backstage with Immortal, some New York Jets bloke greets Immortal, I’m guessing he’s important? Gunner slaps hands with him, he’s African American you say? I bet Gunner didn’t like that one bit, did he?
JT: Hogan probably wouldn’t be happy about it either, and as Teddy Long’s stories go perhaps not Ric either, but hey I’m sure Hogan would appreciate that he’s one of those football playing——you get the idea. But I’ll give a bit more of a rundown on our friend Bort (no not you Bort, the other Bort) later on, but all you need to know is that he and Matt walk off and Matt starts yelling at Kaz & AJ, who are escorting Dixie away safely. Kaz makes note of “Jermaine Hardy”, and a fracus breaks out among the 4 of them, causing security to rush in again. And among all this chaos, who makes their through but the most chipper couple in TNA, Karen & Jeff Jarrett, all ready for their big day. What did you think of this Immortal/Fortune confrontation and subsequent backstage bit?
S: Ah sure it was what it was really, added more fuel to the fire with the Immortal vs Fortune feud, typical pull apart brawl. Big 22 Short Films About Springfield vibes off it with cutting from one storyline to another with the slight move of a camera, I liked that.
JT: Yeah the Fortune/Immortal stuff wasn’t much of substance, just a way to keep the feud cooking, but I like the camera switching from one story to another without cutting. It makes the wrestling world feel alive, like all the stories you see on tv are all playing out at the same time in the same place.
S: Exactly, gives it a bit of realism like. Shall we move on then?
JT: There’s really not much to say about the segments, because they’re pretty standard wrestling TV segments, so yes, moving on!
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Sorry About Your Damn Title Defense
S: Have we got ourselves a tag team match, playa?
JT: I promised more James Storm earlier, didn’t I? Well when we come back from commercial, we’re informed we’ve got ourselves not just a tag match, but a Tag Title match! Immortal & Fortune continue their rivalry as Gunner & Murphy try to pry the tag titles away from the reigning, defending tag champs, Beer Money. And how nice Seán, Gunner & Murphy have decided to speed things along for us by already being in the ring when we come back from commercials!
S: How the fuck did these two lads wangle their way into a Tag Title shot? Honestly, they’re such gormless heavies that they don’t get an entrance for a title match and their gear is so fucking similar to Blake and Murphy’s gear in NXT 2015 too.
JT: Well don’t worry, Taz & Tenay inform us that Gunner & Murphy climbed the mountain to get here. That’s right, they beat Eric Young & Orlando Jordan last week. That’s it. I mean if you want to play up that Immortal shifted the balance of power and gave them a shot undeservingly, that’s fine. But they didn’t do that. They just earned a shot, apparently.
S: I suppose that Eric and Orlando, the comic relief tag team were also in the running for the tag belts. I guess those two teams were above GenMe, Ink. Inc and The Guns in the pecking order.
JT: Again, just a little bit of writing could fix this problem but oh well. So Beer Money are out next to a strong reception, once again with the Boozer Cruiser, but before they can make it in the ring, they’re attacked! The match is on!!
S: Those damn Immortal cronies! How will Beer Money survive?
JT: Well as it turns out, they’ll survive pretty easily. After Murphy’s cheap shot on Roode knocks him to the floor, the goons double team Storm in the corner. Murphy whips Storm into the knee of Gunner, Murphy taunts the crowd for some boos, but it doesn’t take long for Storm to turn the tides as when Murphy whips Gunner in to Storm in the corner, the Tennessee Cowboy gets a boot up, then hits a Lungblower on Murphy. Roode back up on the apron, wanting the hot tag, and he gets it! Right hands, flying forearm, clothesline, back elbow, back drop on Gunner. He ducks Murphy’s shot, hits some punches and chops, goes to send him across, Murphy reverses but Roode hits the corner and comes out with a Clothesline. He grabs an oncoming Gunner, Gunner fights free, hits the ropes but RR Spinebuster, 1–2—Kickout! Murphy in with a boot, grabs Roode from behind, holding him for Gunner to hit, but Gunner swings and hits Murphy. And just as Taz was mentioning he wanted to see how their chemistry would affect the match! Double Suplex on Murphy Beer, MONEY!! Storm waits, Roode lifts, DWI!! 1——2—3!! Easy win for Beer Money, and Storm didn’t even have to take his shirt off!
S: What a legend, didn’t even take his shirt off. Respect to James Storm. A fast short TV match, Roode had a great hot tag. Satisfying to see Beer Money just mow through this team honestly. Three minutes is what it should’ve been really. Can’t complain, the majority of these matches are really short on this episode of Impact so that’s fine by me.
JT: Yeah this match was basically just to put over Beer Money, so I’m fine with it being against Gunner & Murphy and going short. Plus, I think a long Gunner & Murphy match sounds miserable. So better go to the whopping 3 minutes 5 seconds then drag it out.
S: Yeah absolutely, best just having a sprint of a tag match on TV, have Beer Money just run through them and set up the Tag Title match for Victory Road, speaking of which… MY BOYS ARE HERE!
JT: That’s right! Proper Hulk Hogans in their own rights, Ink Inc are here for the first time since BFG!! They come out as the champs celebrate, but Shannon has to remind them they’re in his own home state of North Carolina!! This is his house, and in his house he’s got his book of Dilligaf. Does Beer Money know what Dilligaf is? Shannon says the people know. Seán, do you know what it means?
S: Well James, I hate to correct my co-host but they were in fact on PPV at Final Resolution where they faced Beer Money in a N1C’s match. Now D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. It in fact means, Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck? Coooooool, he’s got an entire book written on it too, pretty sure he has a D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. belt too if my mind is serving me rightly.
JT: I admire the commitment to the bit with the book. And that’s right, Shannon tells the crowd that he doesn’t give a [CENSORED]. And as proper Hulk Hogans (don’t take this from me) Ink Inc demand a title match at Victory Road, because Chapter 13 of the books says so. That is, unless Roode & Storm are COWARDS! And of course, they quickly shoot that damn. Commanding as always on the mic, Storm says that there’s no bitch in his blood, they’ll give them a shot because they’re not scared, they’re the best tag team in the world, they’re BEER!! MONEY!! Oh and Storm is sorry about their damn luck! That wraps things up nice and smoothly, Storm’s catchphrase rules. You wanted some mic time, he got it.
S: This was a complete segment in that case! Beer Money, Boozer Cruiser, squashing the heavies, Ink Inc. and James Storm mic time. Brilliant. Tenay says ‘The young lions have stepped up’. There’s three years between the four of them, at this stage Roode and Storm are both 33, Moore is 31 and Neal is 30 here. If anything, Neal is still a rough ass diamond of a wrestler here.
JT: Yeah it looks like Ink Inc are headed to their biggest match as a team yet, we’ll have to see how they perform next time…
S: Hopefully my boys turn to men with a tag title victory.
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Vow Ceremony Hype Part 1: He’s a Real, Real Man’s Best Man
JT: So we cut backstage to the lovebirds, Jeff & Karen, all giddy for their ceremony tonight. Karen says he’s gotten them a 10 foot tall wedding cake, because they need to show their love to the world! And boy, can you feel the love tonight? Jeff & Karen seem over the moon tonight.
S: Love is certainly in the air tonight, I must tell you, James. I’m well jazzed for this wedding, did we get the invites?
JT: Well that’s a funny thing about this whole ordeal, is that they basically go as far as they can to make this a wedding, without it technically being a wedding. Because, Y’know, they’re already married? And speaking on invites, I can’t say I saw any invites, but we do see someone who would get one if there were any! As Jeff & Karen are being happy, Eric Young interrupts from the room over! He says he can hear wedding bells, and he wants a part! Look at the dashing young man in his best t-shirt tuxedo!
S: He’s just the best at comedy! I absolutely adored the back and forth between Eric and Jeff here with the constant opening and closing of the doors, as per usual he had me laughing. And Jarrett is in such a good mood to the point where he wants Eric to be the ring bearer. Loved it! Wish we could’ve had more Eric in the previous episodes.
JT: That’s what I was gonna say! I wish we could’ve had more Eric throughout the run of this arc, because he’s super fun. And he’s a good sport too. It’s okay with not being the best man….or the maid of honor…or the flower girl, but he’s sure to make a good ring bearer, right? Well, Jeff better hope so.
S: I’m looking forward to talking more about Eric later on because spoilers guys, we’ve got more of him to come!
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Women be Fightin
JT: So we come back from the commercial break with Sarita in the ring with her cousin Rosita. She’s set to face Velvet Sky, with Velvet’s career on the line! Why is Velvet’s career on the line? Well this dates all the way back to October. After turning heel and subsequently getting hurt in July, Sarita came back to TNA with a vengeance. She got back to back pinfall wins over Velvet (first in tag then in singles action), then started claiming that Sky was a loser who couldn’t beat her. This led to Sarita costing the Beautiful People a tag title shot, Sarita defeating Velvet in a Strap Match on Impact, bringing her cousin Rosita in as backup in February, and joining up with Hernandez to form Mexican America (not to be confused with WWE’s MexAmerica). After once again beating Velvet, in tag action with her cousin against the Beaut Peeps, Sky challenged her to one more match with her career on the line.
S: Now James, did you recognise who Rosita was here?
JT: I was just gonna ask you myself! Since we both know who it is, I won’t beat around the bush. It’s a 20 year old Zelina Vega!!
S: It sure as hell is! Wee babby Zelina Vega herself, it’s mad how young she is here, holy shit. She’s the same age here as I am now like.
JT: Yeah props to her for getting her foot in the floor so early. She’s only a bit- player in Mexican America, but getting on a nationally broadcast company at age 20 is good enough. I mean, she only had her first match in February of 2010, after starting training at age 17. But hey, I guess it pays to be trained by someone on the inside, since she was trained in part by TJ Perkins. Now we all know TJP for his time on the indies, his time in TNA as Manik from 2013-16 and from 2019 onward, but he had made some sporadic appearances in TNA before 2013. I’ve gotta imagine he at least got her foot in the door.
S: Yeah from what I remember, TJP’s early appearances in TNA were under the masked persona of Puma, I believe, wrestled a fair bit in the X Division in the early years of TNA from around 2003-06/07.
JT: Yeah so good on her for making it to TNA. Also props to her for at least being Latina, since she’s Puerto Rican. It’s at least closer to Mexican than Sarita, who is a god damn Canadian!
S: I never even knew she was Canadian but according to her Wikipedia, she can speak Spanish so that’s passable, I guess. About as much of a Mexican as Camacho in WWE.
JT: Or as Japanese as Kwang or Shinobi.
S: Or as Irish as Braun The Leprechaun or Hornswoggle. Us Irish don’t forget.
JT: Nor should you. So Tenay prepares for “The Hottest entrance in wrestling, maybe for the last time”, but Velvet just marches straight to the ring, she’s all business. I’ve gotta say though, for a potential career ending match, I was expecting a little more gravitas, a little more pomp and circumstance, a little more buildup. Like it’s legit just “okay next is a match with Velvet’s career on the line, there’s her opponent, here’s Velvet, the match is on here we go!”. Like lads slow down, isn’t this a big occasion?
S: Well judging by how this match pans out, certainly doesn’t feel like a big occasion.
JT: Well with that description to what our audience’s appetites, might as well just get through this. If Velvet loses to Sarita, Velvet is out of TNA. So there’s some pushing and grabbing right at the start, leading into a clothesline by Velvet. Sarita gets up, grabs for a back Suplex but Sky reverses into a pin for a 2 count. Sky with a Kick, chop, another kick, another chop, she pushes Sarita off the ropes, Sarita reverses and sends Velvet across but her Dropkick gets nothing but air. Velvet with Casadora Arm Drag, then a weird rope bounce bulldog/stunner thing? Anyways, that’s the cue for “Little Hot Chili Pepper” aka Rosita to run in. Sky with a kick to her. Angelina comes in the ring and attacks her, and Ref Earl Hebner ejects them both from ringside. Sarita attacks velvet from behind, then gets a series of Reverse DDTs on the knee over and over again. In the midst of this career threatening match, they have time to plug Roy Meets Girl (premiering next on Spike), and according to Tenay “this Roy has quit a gift with gab with woman”. So Sarita hooks the arms for a Double Underhook, but Sky spins out hits the DDT and 1-2-3 Badda Bing Badda Boom we’re outta here. Can you feel the Vinny Ru vibes in the air or what?
S: Oh boy do I ever, absolutely nothing match for the women, Vic Venom speciale. What can I really say? I’m more interested in this Boy Meets Girl show.
JT: Not to mention, interference and Earl Hebner! Kinda embarrassing for Velvet in all honesty. You mean to tell me this is the person you couldn’t beat for months? Like all it took was a flat 2 minutes here, are you sure you have been trying your hardest?
S: Looks like the X-Division isn’t the only division being neglected. Spoilers guys, no X-Division matches or mentions on this show. LIKE FUCK ME! IS IT ANY WONDER WHY SPIKE TV WANTED RUSSO NOWHERE NEAR THE TNA PRODUCT?! If he’s gonna keep bastardising these divisions which TNA worked tirelessly on to legitimise only for this fucking knobend to come in and piss it all away, it’s no wonder why Spike would get pissed off with TNA’s direction.
JT: Hey no, we get some X Division representation tonight! After all, here comes Robbie E, with Cookie and *checks notes* Angelina from Jersey Shore….I’m sure I don’t know anything about Jersey Shore, I don’t know anything about her. But she’s here alright.
S: There she is, dissing JWoww, class. It’s exactly what I watch Impact for, you know.
JT: Yeah Cookie is pissed about a 4 on 1 beat down by the Beautiful People and J-Wow that happened at some point (I can be fucking bothered to look it up) so Angelina has a message for J Wow and her “fake silicone fun bags”. She says it figures they hang out with J-Wow, because “it takes a slut to know a slut”. But that asideC her message for J-Wow is that she wants her on Impact next week to battle her “Jersey Shore style”. But Velcet doesn’t take this slandering lying down, as she says she doesn’t know what street corner Angelina’s from but if she wants to talk to J-Wow, I suggest you say it to her face. So they go to leave and “let the pigeons loose” but Angelina kicks her. So we get a brawl between Jersey People & Beautiful People. Sarita joins in for good measure before the heels bail. And she Velvet gets back up, Angelina Love gets on the mic and says “Hey you stupid bitches! Hey Sarita, if you want to play with the Beautiful People, why don’t you bring your Fat Cookie, you’re little Jersey Hooker, and next week we’ll have a good old 6 Way”. Taz & Tenay make a few jokes about “6 Way” and we’re out of here. I mean adding on “celebrity” involvement, name calling, more run ins, my Russo meter is just off the chart. And that in like 5-6 minutes of TV. Jesus Christ.
S: He’s fucking outdone himself this time, hasn’t he?! Holy shit, this must be a record time for the Russo-meter to completely shatter.
JT: Look let’s just get outta here before I start talking like him, Bro.
S: Oh shit, you’ve started already! To the back!
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Vow Ceremony Hype Part 2: The Ring’s The Thing
JT: So backstage, we’ve got more shenanigans with EY and OJ, the wackiest tag team around. First off, OJ has an “I ❤️ tag teaming” shirt on, get it because he’s gay? Wrestling. Although admittedly it’s a funny entendre. So EY is all high energy because tonight’s the wedding and he’s Jeff’s best friend and he’s so excited because he’ll probably go on the Honeymoon with them, he’s got “Cate Blanchett over the whole situation”. Get Cate Blanchett instead of “carte blanche”? It’s a little thing that he doesn’t linger on but I thought it was pretty funny. Oh and OJ is the Flower Girl. Get it, because he’s gay? But Eric, he starts to panic because he can’t find the ring, and then he starts going after OJ’s nose ring because he thinks that’s the ring! He takes OJ down, OJ explains that it’s just his nose ring and that Eric should check his shoe because that’s where he keeps all his valuables. Eric of course does have the ring in his shoe, so he says that it was a test, Orlando passed and he’s still his best friend. Silly little segment but honestly just good fun in my eyes.
S: It’s just Eric doing Eric things, isn’t it? Your typical EY fun, him doing the fireman’s carry takedown on OJ after thinking his nose ring was the wedding ring made me burst out laughing.
JT: EY just plays the dunce so well. He’s clearly well intentioned, he just doesn’t have all the lights on upstairs, bless him.
S: Exactly, that’s what makes him so good in this role, he means well in all that he does but he doesn’t think before he acts sometimes.
JT: But we’re not done backstage just yet. In his dressing room, Jeff Jarrett is getting dressed in his finest attire to renew his vows. And hey, in comes Ric Flair he knows a thing or two or five about weddings! They’re both in good moods tonight, and Ric being the sly dog he is, asks Jeff about having another honeymoon. And oh man, Jeff says “Ric, you have no idea what’s in store”, he may be an expert on honeymoons, but he’s never had one like this. He’s got the express, vp ticket straight to the front of the line……at HARRY POTTER UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!! Him and Karen and all 7 kids are gonna have a great time!! And Ric pulls such a face here, I burst out laughing.
S: I loved this too not gonna lie, Jeff Jarrett buying into the whole family man aspect that not only is he gonna go to a theme park and have the craic but he’s gonna stay local in Orlando, Florida! Brilliant Jeff!
JT: Plus there’s something really funny about getting old sleeve Ric Flair all ready to give Jeff some of his “secrets” only for Jeff to be a total goof excited to go play Harry Potter with his kids. They easily could’ve had the heels brag about sex but this is immensely funnier. Ric is fucking disgusted and Jeff’s excitement to play dad, and for 7 kids, which he hilariously names off one after another. Like I know they’re really kids, but Jeff going like “Cody, Claire, Billy, Bobby, Mary Sue…” just without stumbling once made it funnier. Like it’s one thing for him to play dad, but I can’t imagine a less fun experience than dragging around 7 kids at an expensive theme park.
S: Dude, how do you think my parents felt dragging my whole family around to a regular event? Let alone a theme park in Orlando, I just love the complete disgust on the face of Flair when he’s told about Jarrett’s honeymoon plans. Brilliant again.
JT: It makes me sad that we’re not gonna get a chance to discuss the wonderful “Jarrett’s on vacation” vignettes which is basically just Jeff & Karen being miserable parents at a theme park, yelling at each other and the kids. But alas, at least we’ve got Ric asking Jeff “Why not bring along your mother-in-law and kill yourself?” and Jeff being the dreaded “you don’t understand our love” boyfriend to Ric. We’ve all had run-ins with the most annoying couple in school, and Ric’s dealing with one half of them now. Oh, and the while, we cut over to Kurt Angle tapping his fists and handing over one of his kids to security. Uh oh. I don’t think this night will go as Jeff planned.
S: I think this wedding might have a little tad of drama to be honest. It’s funny you mention the Jarretts on vacation vignettes because if I remember correctly, I think they may be on Victory Road for our Season Finale.
JT: Well I’ve got my fingers crossed.
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Vow’s The Time
JT: And what’s that? I hear wedding bells!! Seán, we better get going or we’re gonna be late! Up next is the Renewal of Karen Jarrett & Jeff Jarrett’s Vows!!
S: Oh shit, is it that time already, I better get my suit on! Does the tie look right to you?!
JT: You look lovely sweetie. Everyone’s got their best clothes on, it’s time to see as Taz has speculated all night, if one of these wrestling weddings will go well.
S: I think this time, we may have a drama free wrestling wedding, I’m convinced it’ll all go well!
JT: In wrestling wedding fashion, the whole ring and stage are set up! You’ve got the big cake on the ramp, you’ve got a white ring with the white wedding arches, and all sorts of flowers set up in the ring. So out first with the ring, and with the same energy of every video I’ve seen of a golden retriever as a ring bearer, it’s Eric Young with a title belt? Seán was I seeing things or did EY have like a little replica TNA Title (pre-Jeff Hardy modification) around his waist?
S: YES! YES HE DID! Would you like to know why he has the old TNA Heavyweight Championship around his waist?
JT: No clue honestly. Don’t tell me he’s joined Immortal!
S: Oh absolutely not! Our pal Eric knows to always choose good over evil. So when Immortal introduced the purple face belt for Jeffrey Nero Hardy, they threw the old one in the trash. Before a tag team match with Orlando, Eric Young found the old title in the bin! And with that he declared himself the TNA Heavyweight Champion and has been wearing it since!
JT: Good old EY is a man who transcends time, not only copying Hacksaw Jim Dugan finding the WCW TV Title in trash like in WCW’s dying days, but he stole Moose’s gimmick in TNA in 2020 before Moose was even close to starting his TNA career. What a delight.
S: I think I know who my real World Champion is.
JT: Oh and before we give all our attention to Eric, we should take some time to appreciate Orlando, who is standing arm in arm with Eric. Aside from commentary going all gross, like Taz saying “I don’t really know what the hell is going on right there about Orlando Jordan, I guess he’s the flower person, girl or boy whatever he feels today”, OJ stays strong and puts on a hell of a performance. And by that he plays the role of the emo 15 year old at his dad’s second wedding, who deeply wants this all to be over. Clad all in black, he throws flower petals around with all the enthusiasm of a minimum wage employee 15 minutes before their shift ends.
S: He played a stormer too, really lived up to that 15 year old emo character in every movie wedding.
JT: But despite OJ’s sour attitude, nothing can harsh Double J’s mellow. He’s got a big old grin on in his tux, despite the crowd booing over the really tranquil wedding music. There’s something really funny to me about a wedding being booed, and booed violently. But before the crowd can get too unally, Kurt Angle attacks Jeff from behind on the ramp, tux and all!! By god, I thought for sure all would go as planned!! Kurt hammers Jeff with punches, all while Jeff cartoon sells and tries his absolute hardest not to hit the cake. Jeff manages to poke him in the eyes but then he runs Jeff pokes the eyes, runs into a clothesline and Kurt motions to the Cake. This is enough to get Karen to come out, and she grabs Kurt, jumping up and down angry. She even slaps him, but that was a mistake, because now Kurt is acting in self defense as he just Kurt stuffs her face first into the cake. Kurt’s music plays, and the fans are happy. But for what I was expecting and how they hyped it up, I was honestly a little underwhelmed? Like the buildup is funny, and the little things were funny, but I came away expecting a little more than what I got. Was I alone in this feeling or are you of the same mind?
S: Well before we find out later on what the fate of this wedding is, I kinda was underwhelmed, the cake spot is to be expected but maybe this is just Angle getting his final licks in before they can finally go ahead with it, like one final fuck you to Jarrett.
JT: Sounds about right to me. I thought this was just kind of, too simple in a way. Like it was the most obvious direction for Kurt to go to crash the wedding, and therefore just the most boring. But we’re not done tonight because Karen & Jeff not very long after this storm in on Ric, Eric & Hogan, demanding something be done. Eric tells them to cool off, clean up, he’ll take care of it. The wedding will happen tonight. So don’t worry folks, this whole vows stuff isn’t over, not yet.
S: Well thank god I didn’t bust out my perfectly serviceable suit tonight for nothing!
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Roid Warriors
JT: So we got Gunner/Murphy vs Beer Money earlier, time for the rest of that 6 Man Tag Match from AAO to face off. Tonight, one in one it’s The Freak Rob Terry facing off against Freakzilla Scott Steiner.
S: BATTLE OF THE ROIDY MAGOOS! The Original Mason Ryan vs The Genetic Freak!
JT: So aside from them being on opposite sides of this whole war with Immortal and Fortune, we’ve got some more build. Remember how at AAO, Terry did some flexing and posing but Scotty just gave him a low blow in return? Well Terry did not appreciate that and called for a posedown, because he knows he’s in better shape than Scott. So on last week’s impact, Terry got all oiled up and came out, flexing and pumping iron to show off just how great he is. And what did the Big Bad Booty Daddy do in response? Well he came out in his suit, he was really feeling this whole posedown thing. He has nothing to prove to anyone, especially Terry. And I guess this embarrassed the big Welshman, that he got all oiled up for nothing, because right as Steiner was set to leave, he smacked him with one of his dumbbells. And Big Poppa Pump won’t stand for that kinda behavior. So I just gotta say, in regard to the build to this match, I love how the Steiner character just doesn’t give a fuck. Like there’s something so funny about the idea of him coming down to the ring for a Pose-Off and just going “Fuck no, i don’t have to do shit, thanks for getting all sweaty, jackass”.
S: It’s what the Scott Steiner character of this time period should be doing, why should he have to prove himself in a posedown at his age? Of course he shouldn’t give a shit about Rob Terry, like this Steiner as a babyface works for the Genetic Freak. He should come every week, roast the heels, not give a shit and beat them up.
JT: Building up the math, Taz is putting over despite the similarities, of both men’s skills, they’re both big powerhouses. So it’ll come down to the fact that Scott has got the experience edge, but Rob has a mean streak, though Scott is no nice guy himself. For the second time tonight, as Scott is getting in the ring, we get an attack before the bell as Terry goes for some punches on an unsuspecting Scotty. He sends Steiner across, but the Generic Freak comes back with a Back Elbow, gets a kick and then tosses Terry with a T-Bone before giving him a Steinerline out of the ring to the floor. Aggressive as always, he tries to ram Terry into the post, but Terry turns it around on him, then he slams him into the post back first. He rolls Scott in the ring, hoists him up and drives him down with a Powerslam, 1-2-Kickout. The Freak sends Freakzilla into the corner, but runs into a boot, then a Belly to Belly Suplex. Scott follows it up with the Steiner Flatliner, waits for him to get up so he can hit a Steinerline, then drops Flexing Elbow, then does some push-ups. He puts Terry up top, then hits a big Samoan Drop off the top, and with Terry immobilized dead center in the ring, Scott looks in the Steiner Recliner and Terry taps. Big Poppa Pump is your hook up for an ass kicking as he wipes the floor with Rob Terry in our longest match of the night so far, taking a whole 3 minutes 20 to put him away.
S: Positive about this show, guys. These matches are quick and straight to the point, I loved seeing Steiner just batter another one of the miscellaneous Immortal goons, I like seeing Steiner in general, not so much in 2003 WWE like for Season 1 but seeing him in this capacity being allowed to just not give a shit, ramble on the mic and squash the goons. Decent stuff but not a good match by any means.
JT: I consider this a good match in the sense that it featured a 48 year old Scott Steiner against Rob Terry and it wasn’t totally ass, so thumbs up. Much like what I said about the Tag Title match, I’m glad if we were gonna match featuring Immortal’s version of the Shield, I’m glad they kept their matches short and sweet. Like we talked about it at AAO, having that 6 Man go 10 minutes made them out to be bigger geeks than just a 3 minute match. Rob didn’t have time to botch anything, he just did his big Powerslam and bumped around, which the crowd was more than happy to see.
S: Exactly, I was fearing that this match would be a trainwreck but thankfully it was decent, they kept it to a minimum and it worked that way.
JT: I only have one question coming out of this segment though. Where is Scott doing from here? Like clearly you’re not gonna push Scott Steiner in 2011 to the World Title, hell I doubt Scotty would even want to work 15 minute main event matches. But what’s the plan here? Who is next on the docket here? Is gonna keep feuding with Immortal, because with Beer Money he’s already ran through like half of the faction. Immortal is not a faction with a depth of guys, not since Fortune split off. Do you know what’s next for the Big Bad Booty Daddy? Have we seen the last of him in this arc?
S: It is in fact the last we see of Scotty on this arc, my man. Two glorious appearances we got from him. Would you like to know what happens to him?
JT: That’s a shame, I was hoping we’d get one more rambling marble mouth promo before we left TNA, but so it goes. What happens to Scott for the rest of his 2011?
S: So after Victory Road, on Impact, Steiner would form a team with… CRIMSON! They’d defeat Ink Inc. in their first match and briefly feud with him, mainly due to Shannon Moore’s bad (tattooed) attitude. They’d briefly feud with the tatted boys up until Lockdown where they lost in a four way tag team contenders match. Steiner would then turn heel by attacking Mr. Mayor on the following Impact, they’d feud up until Slammiversary where Morgan would win. Holy shit Morgan actually won a feud? Steiner would then later join Immortal on the June 30th episode of Impact and remain with them until Turning Point 2011 where he and Bully Ray would lose to Abyss and Mr. Anderson. Three months later, he was released from his contract.
JT: Sigh, of course he turns heel. What was I expecting! At least Matt Morgan wins something for once? Although him getting released isn’t a huge surprise, it feels like aside from his Main Event Mafia run, he was always just coming by for a few months then leaving after he had his fill.
S: Yeah for real, he’s at this stage of his career where he’s in an André The Giant situation where he’d come by a territory for a few months or a year then leave again.
JT: Well, thanks for dropping by Scotty. It was entertaining! Let’s be real, all we really need was one Scott Steiner promo and his run would’ve been worth our while.
S: It was a good time but we hardly knew ye, Scotty.
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Are you ready for some Football?
JT: So we cut backstage and we’ve got a real satisfied looking Kurt Angle, happy with the job he did ruining Karen & Jeff’s ceremony. But that’s when he’s confronted not just by Ric Flair, but by “Bart” from before. Ric calls Kurt “his son’s favorite wrestler” and Bart shakes his hand, only to give Ric the “who the hell is this guy” reaction at Kurt’s expense. Ric tells Kurt that since he thinks he’s such a badass, we’ll now he’s in trouble because he will still have to walk Karen Jarret down that aisle. Because now, he’s got an enforcer with him. All 6’2, 242 of Bart Scott. Now as we established before, you wouldn’t have had a clue who this guy is. So how about this, I’ll give you a brief run down of Big Bart Scott’s career and accomplishments, and you can guess where he is on the “Lawrence Taylor Scale” as far as Football abilities and culture significance goes. Ready?
S: I’m ready to hear it, lay his accomplishments down on me.
JT: So Bart Scott was an Interior Linebacker, from Kevin Nash’s Detroit Michigan, graduating from University of Southern Illinois, which actually did not play at the Division 1 level. Division 1 of course is where all of the biggest college football teams play, like Ohio State, University of Alabamas, LSU, so on. Since Scott was not at that Division 1 level, he has not drafted in the 2002 NFL Draft, but he did impress enough at the talent combine to score a contract for the Baltimore Ravens. Again, as an undrafted rookie he had to work his way up, made even more difficult by the fact that he was on a defense featuring the likes of Defensive Player of the Year and Super Bowl MVP Ray Lewis also at Linebacker. Though he played well in a limited role for the first 3ish years of his career, it wasn’t until Lewis got hurt that he was able to step up and get a regular role, with a three year, $13.5 million dollar contract extension with the Ravens. He followed this up in 2006 by earning himself a selection to the Pro Bowl and on the secondary All-Pro team! He’d also be the Ravens main starter at ILB for both 2007 & 2008, starting all 16 games both years. His Ravens even made it one game away from the Super Bowl, but lost in the AFC Championship in 08. However after 2008, he parted ways with the Ravens to sign a six year, $48 million dollars to play for the New York Jets and their new head coach, former Ravens Defense Coach, Rex Ryan. Along with their new coach, and new additions including Scott, the Jets would go on to make the AFC Championship in 2009 (losing to Peyton Manning’s Colts) but then would be back there again in 2010. Heading into the game on January 16th, 2011, Scott was interviewed heading into the game and he let off a rant about the nonbelievers against himself and the Jets. But sadly for myself, as a young Jets fan, and Scott, the Jets would lose again in the AFC Championship, this time to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Scott would play two more years, marred with controversy, injuries and general poor play, finally retiring after 12 years in the NFL in 2013. So, what do you think of our friend Bort? Do you think he was a pop culture icon? Do you think he stacks up to LT?
S: Definitely doesn’t make it as a pop culture icon or near that LT level but from what you’ve told me, he seemed to be a player who was a real grafter in the NFL, working from the ground up and settling into a decent role before pissing it all away. So to compare with Football (Soccer), I’d compare him to someone like a Joey Barton, grafted from fuck all, got into a nice role but once he was in that starting role, nothing but a loose cannon and unreliable. Hope Barton doesn’t read this and send a bullet in my postbox.
JT: That’s pretty much on point. He was never really a star player, as he only made the Pro Bowl once and the All-Pro on the secondary squad once, but he was a very good role player. As a Jets fan growing up in the late 00s and 2010s, I remember Scott well. On those back to back AFC Championship squads, our defense was our best aspect, and without someone like him we wouldn’t have made it. And props to TNA, they pretty much got him at his cultural relevance with his rant against the Steelers earlier in the year. Oh and for the record, those Pittsburgh Steelers cost him a Super Bowl visit 2 out of 3 years, so I doubt he’s willing to let Kurt, a Pittsburgh native, do what we want.
S: He’d wanna watch himself later, that’s for sure. It could get ugly.
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Mayor Martial Arts
JT: Speaking of getting ugly, we’ve got a big old hoss fight going on! After attacking him on Impact, then hitting him with a cheap shot to the groin at AAO, M4 (Mr. Mayor, Matt Morgan) has a chance to do what a Republican like himself would presumably like to do, and kick the crap out of that big Mexican bastard Hernandez. But first, we’ve got ourselves a guest commentator!
S: I’ve notes on this fella. Care for me to lay them on ya?
JT: Give us all the goods! I don’t know who this guy is, and we haven’t even introduced him yet to our readers, so might as well give them as much info as possible.
S: So his name is Joe Warren, former collegiate Greco Roman wrestler and current Bellator Featherweight Champion at this time is here to do guest commentary. It’s clearly a Spike decision to have him on here to promote their Bellator programming. Listening to him speaking and man, he honestly sounds like a Rick and Morty character. Like his voice is what you’d expect to hear on a random character in an Interdimensional Cable episode.
JT: Yeah I can see why you’d bring him in, considering he’s the champ and they’re running a tournament to see who will face him, but he’s hardly Connor McGregor on the mic. He’s got a real case of “I’m not cut out to do commentary but they paid me to be here so I’m here”. Like you said he’s got that Rick & Morty vibe because he’s just like, essentially doing improv and when you pair his sort of stumbly, off the top of his head delivery with the sort of Justin Roiland quality to his voice, I see exactly what you’re saying. I’m not gonna say he does a bad job on commentary, mostly because again he really is only here because Spike wanted him to be there, but I’ll say he’s probably better suited keeping his fists up and his mouth shut.
S: Yeah he doesn’t have the commentator’s voice for sure but the content of what he’s saying clearly shows that he has a good idea of wrestling and commentary.
JT: So he’s ready to call this one, as Hernandez comes out getting some boos. Morgan is out for revenge tonight, and as Warren says “two big boys in the ring”. Morgan charges down, Hernandez goes for another pre-match attack with a clothesline, but Morgan ducks and hits a discus clothesline. Morgan stomps on Hernandez in the corner, followed by a splash (Warren: here comes a big one), then a Sidewalk Slam. 1-2-Kickout! Hernandez tries to leave the ring (which you could never do in Bellator btw) but Morgan grabs him and sends him back in. What happens next? Well, just listen to commentary: “He’s playing possum” says Warren, “Yeah a big bad Mexican possum” says Taz, “call the exterminator!” “or two!”. Morgan tries to exterminate him with a boot to the mush, but as picks him up, Hernandez rakes the eyes. Off the boot there’s a shot at the New York Jets coach, and something about feet. Do you remember what they said, and am I going to have to explain the backstory behind this?
S: Was there something about the Jets losing the championship finals on commentary?
JT: Worse! It was about his reported foot fetish, which he did not deny when video came out of his wife showing off her feet on camera. It’s just like…..why did we have to be reminded of that side of Jets football?!? Like I know Taz, like me, it’s a Jets fan, I just don’t know why he’d bring that up? Like Taz, please, can we not?
S: Get him in a tag team with 2006 Gene Snitsky. Those two lads would be two peas in a pod.
JT: Seán please, stop. You’re hurting me. Almost like how Hernandez is hurting Matt Morgan, how you like them transitions? Hernandez tries to use his shirt to toss Morgan out of the corner, but Morgan blocks and Tenay puts over Morgan’s strength, especially as Morgan uses the shirt for a beel on Hernandez. He then follows up in the corner with some back elbows “right out of the Bellator playbook”. Hernandez falls to the floor and begs off again, and when Morgan goes to grab him, Hernandez pulls Morgan into the stairs! Hernandez bounces him off the stairs a few times….and Hernandez gets DQ’d?!? What?!? I mean, Mr Mayor has busted open his election winning face, but still, c’mon man! This has got to be the first wrestler DQ’d for throwing someone into the stairs since like, Jim Herd WCW, right?!?
S: Either Jim Herd or Bill Watts that’s for sure. Hernandez got disqualified for what Solomonster would say, for kicking too much ass and once again, Morgan looks like such a fucking GEEK!
JT: Fourth straight episode where Morgan ends the show on his back. You genuinely, unironically, hate to see it. Please tell me he at least has one more chance to redeem himself?
S: Next month will be his final chance because he will be against Hernandez at Victory Road, in a First Blood Match!
JT: C’mon Matt!! You’ve lost 3 straight PPV matches, and you’re up against a Mexican guy who hates White People. How much more motivation do you need?!? I’ll be waiting with baited breath until Victory Road.
S: Surely! Surely this is the time where Mr. Mayor picks up that most coveted dub on an episode of The Power Hour.
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2 Vow 2 Ceremony
JT: Alright, second verse, same as the first. Let’s rewind the show half an hour or so, because we’ve got ourselves a Vow Renewal Ceremony. And this time, nothing will go wrong! Nothing! It will go drama free! Kurt will walk his ex-wife down the aisle, and he will not lay a finger on Jeff!
S: Take two, ladies and gents! My tie is straightened out and I’m ready for a happy, regular wrestling wedding!
JT: Taz is still perplexed by Jordan, EY just as happy as last time, Jeff comes out with his big happy energy again, despite missing his tuxedo and being down to a vest. Again, the crowd chastises the big heel Double J as he just wants to get his vows renewed, who knew it would be this much work? Here Comes the Bride, and down comes the bride, escorted by her ex-husband. Kurt is actually being cordial, maybe he’s scared of Big Bartholomew? Anyhow, Taz says wrestling weddings never go well, and this is the second time one tonight and it’s already gone poorly, surely something will happen right? Well, evidently not, since Kurt Kurt brings the bride and the groom together. Seán, what did you think was going to happen in this segment, considering we already had the “heel thrown into the cake” moment. What were your expectations handing into the second wedding of the night?
S: I think I was expecting things to go swimmingly to be honest but clearly passive aggressive too. What did you think about it?
JT: Honestly I thought that the original segment was gonna give Kurt not being anywhere to be found, then popping out of the cake and taking names. But since we already had all that, I had no clue what to expect except for shenanigans.
S: Will there be shenanigans though? Time to find out!
JT: “Sister Jordan” as Taz says, hands flowers to Karen, who has cake stuff in her hair. Crowd boos as the priest guy says his deal, in sickness and in healthy, yadda yadda. We get the dreaded “Speak now or forever hold your peace”, which has ruined every wedding in tv and movie history, and the crowd boos loudly, hoping for something, but nothing! They just go on and renew their vows to each other as husband and wife. The priest asks the crowd to uphold their recommitment to the newlyweds, and they just boo, to which Taz has the funny quip of “I thought this was the Bible Belt”. Jeff & Karen have new vows for the ceremony, and as they’re taking you can see Kurt just nudging closer and butting in, making Jeff & Karen both nervous and making the fans chant for him. But still, nothing has happened. Jeff goes through his vows no problem, and things get extremely passive aggressive. “Now you’re married to a real man, and not some heartless, gutless excuse of a man. I will treat you like the princess you are….All the gold medals in the world could never represent the love I have for you, you are the wind beneath my wings”. How will Kurt respond? He just stands there with a big old putsy grin. Now Karen’s turn: “Jeff you are a real man, not like another man” cue a glare at Kurt cutting to him with his dopiest smile. I fucking loved this bit.
S: Yeah this couple of minutes or so really cracked me up here, love how Kurt is just standing there with the biggest smile being the awkward guy at the party in the funniest way. Love it.
JT: Enormous, unmatched third wheel energy by Kurt.
S: Proper Milhouse vibes off him but in the best way.
JT: So they complete the talking part, and now is the time for the rings! To the disgust of the bride & groom, Eric takes off his shoe and hands Jeff the ring, which Jeff puts on his princess. Then, OJ TAKES HIS NOSE RING OFF AND HANDS IT TO KAREN!! VINDICATION FOR EY!!
S: HE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!!
JT: Then, for possibly the oddest moment of this whole show, Taz just cracks up and can’t get his composure back when the guy priest that he can call Jeff & Karen husband and wife “by the authority vested in me in the state of NC and the department of motor vehicles”. I mean, yeah the DMV is slow, but like, he was having the time of his life.
S: Not gonna lie, that cracked me up because of how fucking random that added line was.
JT: Anyways, that’s it! That’s the ceremony! Jeff & Karen kiss, and kiss A LOT, but they got through the whole thing! Just in time, Kurt sneaks up to the mic, asks if they’re done, the guy in charge says yes, and then cut tips part of the set and PULLS OUT A FUCKING AXE?!?! Everyone immediately abandons the ship, and Kurt just goes to town on the set, smashing it with the axe. For disturbing the peace, Easy E sends Bart Scott down at the axe wielding maniac. Scott turns his hat around, gets face to face with Kurt, shoving him, and as Kurt goes to leave, Bart pulls him back and pie faces him for turning his back on him! Well, he should’ve just let Kurt leave because he instantly takes him down and gets the Ankle Lock in. Bart taps, and Taz says “Kurt get off him, you’re going to ruin the Jets defense for next season!”. Tenay, right on cue says, “Hey Taz, this look familiar? Because the Jets have been tapping out since 1969” to which I say fuck you pal! You’re from Vegas/LA, which are somehow even bigger jokes than we are! Oh yeah, and the segment is over with Kurt standing tall. Of course, the big takeaway from this, is let’s go Jets Baby!! Okay seriously though, A FUCKING AXE?!?
S: Yeah what the fuck, a fucking axe?! Who is he? Jack Torrance? Heeeeeeere’s Kurty! I couldn’t believe he busted out the heavy weapons here, jeezus. The Jets line, I knew it’d piss you off there. I liked this segment though, I noted that I’d love a sitcom with The Jarretts, Kurt as the third wheel living in their gaff and OJ and EY as the wacky neighbours. Now tell me that wouldn’t be awesome!
JT: That sounds great honestly. And aside from Tenay picking fights with me and Taz, this was fucking great. I love the unease of it all, of just Jarrett’s being obnoxious, with Kurt right in the periphery, with his dumbest grin on. Throwing in EY & OJ and a hot crowd made it so much better. Again, every time they cut back to Kurt with his big grin cracked me up. And the fact that it led to Kurt immediately flipping the switch and grabbing an axe the second it ended, I was quite entertained. However, I will ask you, now that we’re through both segments, what do you think of splitting the segment in half? What do you think of the decision to have Kurt attack, then reset everything and do it again?
S: I don’t mind it honestly, they wanted to fill time on this show so I don’t really have a problem with it being cut in two, seeing Karen covered in cake icing renewing her vows was quite funny. I really liked this segment too if I’m being frank and honest. The comedy was brilliant, it wasn’t taken too seriously and it just looked like a bit of craic, I just wish we could’ve gotten to see more of OJ and EY, they’re such an enjoyable tag team for laughs and even in the ring, they’re a great odd couple tag team.
JT: Yeah I thought both were good, I just think they could’ve combined it into one segment. Like you show Kurt tapping up his fists before the ceremony, you have Ric & Bart come up and tell him “don’t do shit”. Then you do the segment we just saw, Kurt is cordial the whole time and everyone would just be waiting for him to do something. Then you have the same stuff with Bart, then I say you have Jeff attack while Scott’s in the Ankle Lock. They can crawl up the ramp, do the cake throw spot, and then we’re done. The only reason I say this is like, once Kurt caked Karen, you know he won’t do that again in the retry. It only kind of takes the tension away.
S: Yeah true, like the tension has already exploded in the first one so with the second take, you know it’s gonna be more cordial but maybe that adds more to the comedic effect of it if you ask me but it’s a positive either way.
JT: Where do you think this lands on the all time rankings of wrestling wedding segments? Honestly I think it’s up with the best.
S: Oh absolutely, like the black wedding in 1999 with Taker and Stephanie is the best because of the monster ovation Austin gets and he beats the piss out of the Ministry so that’s obviously number one in my eyes but this one is easily top tier too, my expectations were kind of in the middle to be honest, I thought it’d make for a hot angle but the added players of EY, OJ, Smiley Kurt Angle and The DMV Priest. Easily up there with the best wedding segments and I’ve seen a lot of them, I even remember the fucking wedding between Kristal Marshall and Teddy Long like.
JT: But have you seen Aksana & Goldust’s wedding?
S: Not in a long time, no? Is that a bonus episode we’ll do in five years or so?
JT: Look if you get a death wish and want to rewatch NXT S3 for some reason, I’d join you because I know misery loves company. But please don’t get that inclination. And back to the positives, I really find wedding segments in general to be such a funny thing, because the few that came to my mind first had questionable aspects to them. Like you have the Stephanie McMahon-Test wedding, which featured the ridiculous drugging of Steph, but does feature one of Triple H’s best heel moments when he says to Vince “So……dad!”. He just has the cheekiest little smirk, commentary, the crowd and Vince going apeshit, and Stephanie crying “I hate you” is legendary. Then you have the extremely controversial “Commitment Ceremony” between Billy & Chuck. Was is based complete in tasteless homophobia, queer-baiting and queer-coding? Yep. But dammit, I still think Eric Bischoff revealing himself to be the priest and having Three Minute Warning annihilate Stephanie is the best kind of trash tv. An extreme guilt pleasure.
S: Yeah I like them too, there’s been a lot of good ones, but man has there been some bad or nothing ones.
JT: I’m surprised that there have managed to be so many over the years, and there will still be more in years to come! But hey, thumbs up to this one?
S: Absolutely, massive thumbs up for this one from me.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————
Networkaround
JT: Alright now, it’s time for our Main Event!! And I’m sure if you haven’t seen this show, you’re probably wondering, wait, what is the main event?!? After all, we haven’t even talked about any other matches! There wasn’t anything announced in the opening segment, it couldn’t have been a result of any of the other matches! So what is it? Well folks, that’s by our design. Seán, you want to tell our dear readers why we haven’t mentioned anything about the main event yet?
S: Well we haven’t mentioned anything regarding the main event simply because there’s A LOT of segments, backstage or otherwise regarding the main event so instead of being scattered and all over the shop, it’s best to use this final part of the show to get all our main event talk regarding the segments and the match in question in now.
JT: Not only are there a lot of segments, but they’re pretty redundant too, and above all else, it’s supposed to lead to a big surprise! So pretty early in the show, Eric Bischoff confides in Hulk Hogan that some nameless “Network Executive” called him and told him that they want big ratings tonight. And in order to get big ratings, they want Jeff Hardy to defend his TNA Title, tonight!! And that’s not all, because he’s not defending against Mr Anderson, who Eric assumed it would be since Ken hasn’t gotten his contractual rematch, but against a mystery opponent! So what follows but a bunch of other segments throughout the show hashing out things, and let me tell you, Hogan is pissed about this decision. Like, they have 3 or 4 segments dedicated to how pissed he is.
S: And they have two or three segments dedicated to Kenny Boy being pissed too. Do you know what his confrontation with Hulk Hogan is the spawn of James?
JT: Oh god, what’s started up now?
S: Oh nothing in particular but this is the spawn of TNA doing their infamous Mr. Anderson ‘Where’s My Rematch’ Remix music video!
JT: Oh brother. So allow me to speed through all our main event buildup. Eric tells Hogan that they got called by the Network to inform them it’ll be Jeff vs a Mystery opponent, Hogan is mad that they’re already bypassing his authority as 100% owner of TNA. They assume it’s Ken, because they know him vs Jeff would do ratings, but they can’t be too sure. Anderson cuts a promo backstage saying he’s gonna take back what’s his while reminding Jeff that sometimes good things do happen to assholes…assholes. Later, Hogan calls up the network guy to get the name out of him, and though he doesn’t learn who, he learns it’s not Ken and says he’ll prepare Jeff for the match. After the first Vow Ceremony attempt, Jeff and Hogan have a heart to heart backstage where Hogan complains that Jeff has unfortunately branded a fighting champ, but he says Jeff’s gotta get the job done. Jeff isn’t excited, but Hogan reassures him that they built this whole scheme around him, Jeff is their guy, always since the start. Jeff promises to handle it. When Karen & Jeff were bitching about the wedding, they interrupted Ric, Eric & Hulk trying to game plan and worrying that Jeff’s opponent might be “him”. In yet another backstage segment, Hogan has to tell Anderson that he’s not fighting for the title. Hogan admits he knows Ken can hang and can get ratings, but tonight’s not his rematch. Already pissed at the fact he had to Ref a match between RVD and Jeff the week before and yells at Hogan for screwing him again. Hogan insists it’s the network’s doing, but Kenny says he knows he’d be champ if Hogan’s goons didn’t interfere in his matches with Jeff. Hogan & Ken are in each other’s face, but Hogan gets out his back brace and Ken is forced to give up and leave. Finally, we get a promo from Jeff where he says he’ll win because he’s Jeff [BLEEP]in Hardy and this is his home state, with a limo pulling out at his opponent, stepping out but still not showing his face. Whew, did I miss anything is that all?
S: I think that’s all my dude. A few quick notes I had was that I did like the suspense they built with the whole ‘who is it?!’ thing and Kenny Boy actually redeemed himself with a good backstage promo, quick, snappy and straight to the point. Him interacting with Hogan was a good exchange too.
JT: Yeah you really get the feeling that Ken wants to bite Hogan’s head off but he knows he can’t. And as far as the “who is he ” thing, I like it in theory but man did a lot of the show go for developing that story. But about the third backstage promo with Hogan, I was kinda sick of it. Like, we get it, you don’t know who it is, you don’t have to constantly show Hogan going “We don’t know who it is brother!”.
S: Man we should’ve done a brother count with Hogan on this show, we know he says it a lot but boy boy, Brothermania was running wild here.
JT: You know what? That would’ve been good, but at this rate he doesn’t deserve our counting gimmick, big sack of shit that he is. So we’ve got all that good stuff out of the way, I’m ready to see Jeff defend his TNA Title, are you?
S: Let’s do it. It’s time for our main event! Who’s gonna be our saviour?!
JT: No face paint for Jeff Hardy tonight, I think he just wants to get the job tonight. This isn’t about showing off at all, this is all business tonight. He’s getting booed pretty thoroughly too, despite being his home state. So after Jeff is done entering, the lights don’t go back up. Instead they stay dark as the Titantron lights up 3.3.11, with a sort of bubbling effect playing, before it cuts to lightning, where in the background eagle eared viewers can hear notes of a song, before the song ultimately just fades in with a screech. Who is Jeff Hardy’s Mystery opponent, handed down by the network? It’s the Icon, the 3x TNA Champion, Sting!! He walked out of TNA when The Band had called Hogan & Bischoff’s shady dealings and nobody had listened, but now he’s back and he’s fighting against Immortal!!
S: THE ICON! THE FRANCHISE! HE’S STANDING UP TO HOGAN AND BISCHOFF LIKE HE DID IN 1997! HE’S HERE TO TAKE OUT THE ANTICHRIST! But aside from me marking out for Sting, he’s recently resigned with TNA because he’s been sought after by the rival company in Connecticut, hasn’t he?
JT: Yeah in reality, Sting’s absence this whole arc had to with his contract running out. And apparently, the rumor mill was pointing to something fans had been dreaming of for a while, will you do us the honor of discussing those rumors?
S: Alright so we haven’t seen Sting at all since Bound For Glory. His contract was running out and his future was up in the air. Sting had an offer from WWE, he had an offer from TNA. Around late January, early February time, WWE started airing these mysterious vignettes of a cabin in the back arse of nowhere (not my stomping grounds) at night in the middle of a massive rainstorm, all you could see was a man in a trenchcoat, a lot of fans associated that setting with one guy, it had to be Sting! So the original plan for Mania around this time, so the rumour goes, was to do Sting vs Undertaker, the ultimate dream match. As we all know now, Sting decided to stick by TNA and those vignettes were, in fact for The Undertaker’s return and his return of course was the kick-off for Undertaker vs Triple H at Mania 27, which of course has never happened before and these two lads have never ever met. Mania 17 never happened, what’re you? Stupid?
JT: Nope Biker Taker doesn’t exist in WWE canon at this point, except for the shout of him drawing down the ramp at WM19 and holding up the 10 fingers at WM18. I remember the days of these videos, because I remember there being YouTube videos of people analyzing shadows, and if you pause the vignette at an exact frame you’ll see a shadow that if you squint kinda looks like a scorpion, Sting confirmed! Honestly as a kid I never thought it was anyone other than Undertaker, mostly because they playing fucking “Ain’t No Grave” over the videos. That said, Sting & Taker in 2011? That was the best chance we had at that dream match. Certainly not happening now, and for whatever reason we had to get Sting against Tri at WM31. But man imagine that double return segment that set up Undertaker/HHH at WM27, but instead of Triple H it’s Sting. The crowd would’ve gone ballistic.
S: Oh without a doubt, it’s a shame that Sting still had ill feelings towards WWE because of their treatment of former WCW guys, more or less DDP. It’s a shame because 2011 was easily the best time to get that match, both men were still mobile, Undertaker more so but Sting could definitely still wrestle twenty minutes and it probably could’ve made Mania 27 a way more interesting show.
JT: But with hindsight being what it is, Sting might be happy he chose not to come to WWE in 2011 because frankly, his WWE run really didn’t go as he’d hoped, meanwhile he’s already gotten a TNA Title shot. I would say it was a bigger shock to us, but since we’re covering what we’re covering, we both knew he’d be showing up here to set up the events of our last episode of this arc. But what about the fans do you think they were shocked at Sting returning?
S: They certainly popped huge for him coming out, that’s for sure. They might not have been as shocked because I think they started airing ‘3.3.11.’ vignettes a week or two before we found out who it was so I’m guessing that the fans expected it to be Sting but they weren’t certain, you know?
JT: Yeah, the thing with the “3.3.11” vignettes is that from what I read, people online were a little ticked off about it. I mean WWE had the widely successful vignettes teasing Undertaker’s return that got them all excited at the chance to see Sting, like a week after Taker returns they start airing similar sort of dark mystery vignettes. Really TNA? Like the reason those vignettes worked for WWE is because Taker has a history of big spooky video packages, and people were thinking it could be Sting. You fellas sure as fuck aren’t getting the Undertaker, so it’s pretty obvious to everyone who is coming back. Though of course, nothing is certain and it’s still exciting to see someone of Sting’s stature return.
S: Yeah for sure, he’s just a massive deal and on this show, he’s presented as such and he feels like a megastar. That jacket too though, he looks like a legend.
JT: I’m gonna chose to ignore his raw meat tights and instead all focus on that fucking killer jacket. Like you said, it’s got a real air of regality to it, it feels like something old school but not too old school. It’s his big sparkly red jacket that he’s worn a few times in TNA, it’s just one that screams “He’s been doing this forever and he’s gonna keep ruling the business until he drops”.
S: It gives me vibes of Surfer Sting in WCW with how big time that jacket is, it oozes living legend.
JT: Meanwhile, while the crowd and the announcers are stoked to see Sting back, Jeff looks pretty fucking dejected. He’s got his head down, clearly this was the “he” Hogan & Bischoff were worried about. This is the toughest draw Jeff could’ve asked for, the “Network Executive” really stuck it to Immortal. But still, Hogan’s pumped him up. He’s like a son to Hulk, they built Immortal on his back, there’s no running now. Are you ready for our TNA World Heavyweight Championship match?
S: Let’s take it home!
JT: Jeff doesn’t want to get in the ring but Sting brings him in hard way, and the fight is on! He nails a Clothesline and immediately looks for the Scorpion Death Lock but Jeff squirms and thrashes his way out. Sting has been inactive from in ring activities for the last 4 months, so the question is if rust will come into play, and just as this comes up, Jeff just jumps on Sting with kicks and shots in the corner to take control, getting him before he can even react. He goes for a kick, but Sting might not be rusty at all as Sting catches him and turns him over into the Scorpion!! Scorpion Deathlock already, dead center of the ring and in deep!! Jeff manages to get the ropes but he’s clearly already in a big hole, so he tries to just run away up the ramp and get counted out, Immortal can game plan now that they know Sting is back, but The Icon catches up to him and suplexes him on the ramp! Sting throws him into the guard rail and goes for a Stinger Splash but Jeff moves and Sting hits the railing chest first. Jeff bounces him face first off the stairs, and if he were smart he’d just copy Hernandez from earlier and get DQ’d. The crowd is behind Sting big time as Jeff drops a leg on Sting in the ring and locks in a Randy Orton chinlock. Sting manages to stand to his feet and tries to fight him off but Jeff goes for the ToH, only for Sting to push off, but Jeff bounces off the ropes and comes back with an elbow. Jeff tries to hammer Stinf with punches but Sting just fired up! Punches, kick in the corner, SCORPION DEATH DROP!! Sting hooks the leg, 1———2———KICKOUT!! Jeff kicks out of the Scorpion, but man Sting and the fans thought that was it. Still, Sting has got total control, as he goes for a Stinger Splash in the corner, only for Hardy to move out of the way. He now runs to the opposite side for Whispers in the Wind but Sting crotches on top, then grabs his head, pulling him back and getting a Scorpion Death Drop again!! He pulls the Antichrist to the center, SDD one more time!! 1——2——3 New Champion!! Jeff Hardy is no match for the Icon and the element of surprise, and for the second time in this arc, Jeff Hardy & Immortal have lost the top prize!
S: I think this was quite the decent match if I may say so, the crowd were well up for it so it did help while watching this. Sting more or less battered Jeff Hardy and honestly, he should have. It sells the fact that Jeff was completely stunned by having to face Sting, he was the one guy who Hogan, Bischoff and Hardy dreaded the network would choose and rightfully so, it makes sense that the biggest fear more or less makes easy work of him. Sting feels like such a massive star and giving him the belt here as the gunslinger who’s not willing to see the company decline so he has to do what he did years ago. A good TV main event although definitely handcuffed for time because of the limitations of TV rather than PPV, hopefully that’s not an issue next time….
JT: Yeah this was our longest match of the night at 6 minutes 15 seconds, and again while this isn’t some all time barn burner, it did its job. The crowd were happy to see Sting win, it put him over as a world beater who fully capitalized on his opportunity like a legendary veteran like him should. And don’t worry Seán, I doubt anything of note will really happen next time these two face off. I mean it’s Sting & Jeff Hardy, you can set the bar pretty high for them.
S: And without the limitations of TV, these boys will go all out on PPV where nothing could possibly go wrong, right?
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The Wrap Up
JT: Just like that, that’s Impact in the bag! Since there’s less matches to break down, we figure this’ll be a little shorter of an episode so no need to Recharge this time around. But that’s small potatoes in the grand scheme of things, what matters more is whether or not we liked this show. Did you enjoy your time watching Impact Seán? Did you think this was a good week of TV?
S: I enjoyed this a fair bit man if I’m being honest, I feel like every time we review a weekly show in wrestling, it’s always such a breeze to talk about and even get through. This was no exception, I think from a segment’s point of view and angles, this show did it’s job very well. The Jarretts and Angle segments I enjoyed thoroughly. Although there were a lot of them, the Immortal segments really made the main event feel really important, the promos on this show too I thought were pretty solid. Bar the Russo-metre smashing Knockouts segment. The matches were there, they were quick and got the job done so fair play. I was really satisfied with how well the comedic side of things was done on this show too, we’ve talked about it before so I won’t ramble on more about it. Sting as well, he’s called The Franchise for a reason, absolute megastar.
JT: This is a tough one for me to grade because like you said, this episode really blew by, and I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not. On the positive side, that Wedding stuff was great fun. Exactly the sort of ridiculous stuff you can only do in wrestling. Other stuff I liked were our title matches, which both really did their jobs perfectly adequately. On the other hand, the DQ fuck finish of Morgan/Hernandez annoyed me. Like at least let Hernandez swing the stairs at him if you’re gonna DQ him. The women’s stuff was shit, but really we said all we can say about it, fuck off Russo. And then, I know it developed the story, like each individual segment had its point but by the end I got so sick of hearing Hulk Hogan go “Who is the guy?”. Like again a good 10-15 minutes of this show, which isn’t very long, was devoted to Hogan saying he doesn’t know who Jeff was fighting. By the end I was just getting tired of seeing him. Then again, I also knew exactly who the opponent was so maybe I’m just thrown off by not having the elements of surprise. I think this show just perfectly splits the middle for me. It wasn’t a good show, it wasn’t a bad show. But hey, the crowd was hot all night, and hey, I can’t say I wasn’t entertained like I can for Against All Odds.
S: You can add Turning Point to that list as well. As for this episode of Impact, it was an easy watch and an easy review. We’re not doing a Match of the Night or a Recharge for this show but James, have you got yourself an MVP for this here episode of TNA Impact?
JT: Believe it or not I did have thoughts of making it Hogan, by virtue of the fact that he’s a commanding speaker and he was all across the show tonight. But in the end it comes down to the debate I had last episode: Kurt Angle or Jeff Jarrett. And I’m gonna go with Kurt again. Jeff was very, very funny in the first half of the show, but in the second Vows Ceremony, he takes more of a backseat role. He hams it up as per usual, but the focus is totally on Kurt. Kurt meanwhile was great as the intense hero crashing the party, then fucking gut-busting as his comedic character in the re-run. Again, his goofy smile etched into my memory, I couldn’t stop cackling at that or him just getting an axe. Kurt is my MVP, back to back. Special mention to Eric Young & Orlando Jordan too. Who would’ve thought Orlando would be getting an MVP honorable mention? What about you though, I know you enjoy our comedic proceedings tonight, so who do you choose?
S: Well for me, the whole cast of those wedding segments were in the running for the MVP award. At the end of the day though, it’s gotta be Kurt Angle. He played a stormer on this show, as you said the hero crashing the party but also the loveable comedy goofball he was in the early 2000’s. Kurt Angle, you’ve done it again, my man.
JT: The varying roles he played tonight just goes to show why I think he’s one of the greatest of all time. I mean how many other wrestlers could play the opposite sides of the seriousness spectrum so perfectly, within like half an hour of each other and do so with the crowd behind you every second. Though I miss our dear Motor City Machine Guns, this Jarrett/Angle storyline has done a good job replacing them as the object of our affection.
S: Absolutely, Jarrett and Angle have been certainly filling in that missing gap we’ve had with the absence of Sabin and Shelley and it’s a real pity we’re leaving this arc when the feud reaches its peak.
JT: Alright that’ll do it for this episode of the Power Hour….and would you look at that! We’re down to our final episode!! Bound For Glory, Turning Point, Final Resolution, Genesis, Against All Odds, Impact 3.3.11, and our little bonus Armageddon 2008 are all done! It’s the only thing left! We made this bed ourselves, now we’ve gotta lie in it.
S: That’s right, next up on the Power Hour is the final chapter in our Season 2 story arc. Jeff Hardy will get his rematch against Sting where nothing is going to go wrong at all. Will Matt Morgan finally win and not look like a damn geek? Where’s Mr. Anderson’s rematch?! What’s the story with Bully Ray and Devon? How will the honeymoon go? Will my boys Ink Inc. finally get a big win? And what will be the story arc for Season 3? All that and more next time!
JT: Thank you everyone for reading this episode of the Power Hour, this was a shorter episode than usual, but as we wrap things up, expect a big old episode for the infamous Victory Road 2011!! But for now, it’s goodbye from me James!
S: And an au revoir from me, Seán!
JT: Until next time, make sure you keep on rolling down the line!!
The JT & Seány Mc Power Hour 